I sat for a half hour this morning in an incessant maelstrom of thoughts. Once in a while the thought came to me that the idea was to be not-thinking and I managed a few seconds with the breath. But then seconds later I found myself thinking again.
It's an odd time. Perhaps it has to do with getting back from being away and the vague, unsettled feelings of fear, anxiety, anticipation, the nagging thoughts of all those things left undone, things that now need to be caught up with. The sense of being behind.
It's one of those moments, too when things seem to be going wrong. In the space of just a few moments last night, as I was trying to get to sleep: George the dog threw up on the duvet; when I went to the kitchen to fetch a couple of paper towels and a sponge to clean up the mess, I found it infested with cockroaches--not the one or two we spot at night sometimes, but six, seven, eight... Horrors! Then, back in bed, I heard the sound of the jacuzzi running. It had been running hours before. It's supposed to run on automatic for two hours a day, then switch itself off. I got out the flashlight, went out in the dark and ventured down under the house to see what was going on. Managed to switch the damn thing off. And got back to bed with a racing mind...
You see what I mean. It's one of those moments. I needed the equanimity of a good, quiet meditation this morning, and sat there in a maelstrom of incessant thoughts...
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