Fear of Flying

Did I mention--I'm getting so forgetful these days!--that we're leaving for New York this morning? I hadn't forgotten that we were leaving, just whether or not I'd mentioned it. 11/11 is our anniversary. That's right, we got married on Armistice Day, the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, just when the treaty was signed to end the First World War. Which led, I regret to remind you, directly to the Second.

We have been more fortunate. We are still together after thirty-five years--of married life: there were three more before that, "living in sin," as the quaint old phrase had it. Ellie was eight months pregnant on our wedding day, and I had to virtually push her up the steps to the Los Angeles County Courthouse, where a judge did the deed. We decided to celebrate the occasion with a long weekend in New York, where we are long overdue to catch up with the museums and the art scene. We're also booked for a couple of Broadway shows, so it should be fun.

This morning, though, during meditation, I noticed how much anxiety I'm harboring, below the surface, about the travel part. My mind was the fecund source of a dozen desperate scenarios, and the emotions were roiling. A part of it is that I'm a bit sedentary by nature: I just feel comfortable at home, surrounded by all my STUFF--including, of course, my trusty computer--and knowing where I am. The other part is fear of flying. The airport hassle is one thing--the lines, the inspections, the unhelpful officials... And then there are those other dreads, irrational but no less real for that: the terrorists, the plane falling out of the sky... And most recently, the knowledge of what jet aircraft do to the environment, every mile they fly.

Irrational, yes. But real. I watched my mind play all its tricks this morning, and managed to remain relatively calm as I watched. Or at least, as the minutes passed, to use that wonderful power of meditation to bring it back to its senses.

I may be writing from New York. Or not. Depending on access, time, and so on. Be well, friends. And make it a good day.