Hamlet

Last night I dreamt I was Hamlet. I mean, I was cast as Hamlet in a theatrical production. Which is ridiculous, of course. At my age? Lear, perhaps. Hamlet, no. But this was a dream. It was, actually, a nightmare, because I forgot my lines. It must have been a very long dream, or the dream must have covered a lot of time, weeks maybe, because I remember all of the rehearsals. Or think I do. The director is a person known to me, but I don't remember who he is.

Anyway, here we are on the night of the performance and my mind goes blank. I mean, completely. It's not just a matter of needing prompts. I can't remember a single word. Not one. For the first few scenes I muddle through by making them up. My words, not Shakespeare's. The rest of the cast seem able to muddle through with me, I don't know how. But then we're in the middle of one scene and I realize I can't get away with it any more. My own words dry up. I freeze. I fall silent, standing there for a full minute while the audience and cast seem to hold their breath. Then I step forward to the front of the stage and say, "This is hopeless. I can't remember a bloody word. Not a bloody word." And the audience grumbles a bit and slowly breaks up and disappears. I wonder if they're going to get a refund.

There's an altercation with the director and the actors backstage. I'm hugely embarrassed and repentant. It doesn't help. I have let everyone down. I wake up laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing.

Did I mention how uncomfortable I am standing up in front of an audience to speak? Oh, yes. That was just a couple of days ago. Yesterday, I spent part of the day thinking about those speaking engagements that I'm preparing for. Looking for the words...